Decide to choose growth
In my last post I talked about fear leading either to survival mode or growth mode.
Today, I want to discuss how to move from survival to growth.
First of all, I know how tough it is; “easier said than done”.
But then again, we might miss out on the amazing opportunities of growing, learning new things and actually living and enjoying love, success and happiness. And since we are humans, all those truly matter to us.
So, let’s explore how we can make growth mode more appealing.
Here are some things that can help:
1- Take a break. Pain and failure are hard. You can’t just bounce back; you have the right to build walls for a while or cry or not want to try or simply be grumpy. Just don’t get stuck in the break. And remember each person has their own timing.
2- Change your perspective on failed attempts and relationships. Ask yourself how did I change because of that experience? What did that person teach me? If I hadn’t gotten hurt I would still…. So even though failure and pain suck, you just have to go through them to become a better person.
3- You can’t feel the good without feeling the bad. Look at your successful job or that amazing friendship you had, you did not suddenly become comfortable to open their fridge or tell them when they are annoying you, also you did not suddenly become good at your job, you had some pretty bad days and failures. So if you want the success, the care and the love you need to fight, fail and get hurt. No “happily ever afters”.
4- Start small. Don’t put unrealistic expectations. You need a balance of comfort and challenge. So, if it’s love start with a conversation, if it’s failure start with 30 minutes of applying to jobs or doing some work; don’t suddenly hope to open your heart or work for days. It’s hard and it takes effort and it makes you uncomfortable, so take it slow.
5- Use your support system. They can push you, listen to you, encourage you, go with you or yell at you. Whatever it is you need them to be, they will be.
6- Remember you will always be ok. You might have bad days and things might be very difficult but we are made to evolve and survive everything.
Finally, no matter what I say, it won’t matter if you don’t decide to go there.
So it’s up to YOU now to make that decision.
Fear is the motor of growth
You can see fear from 2 different perspectives.
From the 1st perspective, fear is a prison that leaves you feeling stuck. It can also push you to create boundaries to make sure nothing can reach you or hurt you. I like to see it as a survival mode where we’re just trying to make it through. Survival mode is not applying to new jobs when we know we hate what we do now , it’s staying in a wrong relationship because we are afraid we won’t find someone who will love us or it’s too much effort to do it all over again. It’s not going into a new relationship to avoid pain and rejection and it’s watching life from the comfort of our couch like a spectator instead of going out there and living it.
From the 2nd perspective, fear is the best alarm in life. It comes up to remind us that change is needed or that we have something or someone we care so much about that we don’t want to lose. I call that one the growth mode. It’s changing careers when we feel we need to grow, it’s travelling abroad to work or study while knowing how hard and terrifying it is, it’s taking the next step in your relationship because it’s worth the difficult times and it’s asking someone out and risking rejection because we enjoy their company.
Normally we all alternate between periods of survival and others of growth.
The danger is when we get stuck in survival mode for too long refusing to change perspectives.
Are you stuck in survival mode?
How can we actually help ourselves to switch perspectives?
Follow up on my next post to find out.